Shadow's Rant
by NeverEndingWriters
Summary: Shadow has a message for all you fanfic writers and if you don't read it he will find you! Pic not mine is owned by Allisaer and Important Message Please Read!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Did not write all come from the man himself...**_

"Hello all you fangirls and I also know your out there fanboys."

"It has come to my attention that you have all been making fanfics of me portraying either my life, some battle, going after a girl, or putting me in a highschool fic."

:"Now I do respect that fact but some of you have been pushing the line a little, I mean I've got a few things to number down."

"First off why are you all calling me an emo I mean really I think I have a few reasons to answer that though."

_1. I'm always looking depressed_

"Have you ever heard of the word 'badass' yeah that's me in every way."

_2. I never talk to anyone_

"If you spent a day with the people I'm forced to hang with, you'd see why."

_3. (This one pisses me off) Because I'm black_

"You know there's a few words to describe people like you, idiots, moronic imbeciles, hell I'll go as far to say retards."

"The list goes on but these are the man things that irk me with the whole emo thing, in truth I'd rather prefer to call myself a merc, lone wolf, and like I said earlier badass."

"Another thing is that you people seem to love pairing me up with some of the most craziest of couples."

"We've got the Shadouges. Nothing is really wrong with her in looks terms but she is soooo annoying always pestering you about what she likes, what she does, what she's going to do."

_"Hey I'm gonna go get my nails done hon, maybe even bother old knux again just to get under his nerves."_

"Maybe if she wasn't so dumb with the way she steals her jewels, wearing them out in public then maybe she can be the least bit smarter. Big emphasis on the bit part."

"Don't wanna waste time with describing everyone else so I'll just be a bit quick with some of the most crazy ones."

"Shadamy, she's obsessive, a stalker, and I seem to always pick her up in her worst moments. Shadeam, big gap on that age and she's waaaay to nice about everything. Shadria, nothing really wrong with this if you wanna have a whole Sonic and Elise thing again but some of you are being smart turning her into a hedgehog, other than that she's more a sister to me at times. Shadaze, isn't she supposed to be with Silver and she's way to much like me at times that's a bad mix man."

"Then we have what I call the most repulsive pairings. Shadonic, who the hell started this, if I knew who did I'd put a gun to their head and have them press back space on whatever lie they typed up. Shadilver, hey to the people supporting this come to my address and you can say hello to Mr. and Mrs. Point Blank. Shaduckles, makes me want to puke and let Black Doom rise from the dead. Shadails, one word to all you people who write about this, 'PEDOPHILES!'"

"The only other pairings left are your so called OC's and I just call that you girls being desperate for me but who can blame you, I'd go after myself as well."

"As you can see the more I go on the more I have to say that most stories are idiotic, lies are just plain stupidity that people seem to think up in what they call a brain. I mean really did you watch a movie or a game see me do something for a brief moment and type it up. Yeah I bit you did, heck I bet right now your surfing the internet for pictures of me to use as a story."

*sigh*

"You know I feel sorry for you all I mean you write the most absurd of things and people will either support it or offer up some of their idiotic ideas."

"I'm gonna let this dude write some stories about me and I know they'll be as idiotic as all the things you've wrote."

"Why did I say all this then?"

"Well first off I needed to get this off my chest, and unlike you people who spend your time sitting at a computer wishing for a life I've actually got one."

"Before I end this I just have one last and final thing to say to all you so called 'Amazing fanfic writers...'

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ALL CHANGING MY PERSONALITY!"

"I'm mean the first time I read one about it, it was kind of funny but after the next fifty oh then that's where lines began being drawn."

"I've got a badass, cocky, heart-breaker, chick magnet, noob killer, personality and none of you seem to write about it...

"Well one guy did, but then he ended up fucking the whole thing up by making me into a desperate puppy."

"I'm done here and I hope to never hear from you all again because if I do, I've got a nice chaos spear with your name written in big bold letters on it."

"Goodbye noobs, I have to go live my life by getting a good Swiss roll out of the cabinet and polish all my weapons from top to bottom."

"And quit making me so weak, we all know that I'm one of the strongest people in the whole Sonic the hedgehog Universe. Probably not the fastest, but strongest none-the least."

"Bastards."

_**Yeah... I do not support anything Shadow has said I just posted what he wanted to. Seeing as more characters will be having their own rants if I'm gonna write a fic about them...then yeah let's just deal with that. You wanna respond to anything Shadow said go on ahead and I think he'll be posting a second part where he responds to everyone's thoughts. See you guys later ^O^**_

"And don't get me started on the animes...


	2. The Rant of Reviews

_**A/N: I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog in anyway, I just post what they write**_

_**I thought it would be over but...**_

* * *

"Hello again all you noobs, wannabe hackers, retards, fangirls, fanboys, and fake wannabe Shadow's out there. You actually thought I would be done...

"HAHAHA!"

"Seriously I'm way to awesome to be taken off yet, you don't decide when my stories are done.."

"I do, like a boss."

"Last chapter I gave some insight onto all of you Sonic's and Fakers out there, and I was very surprised on how fast you guys where ready to shoot back at me. At first I wasn't gonna read all your stuff but I finished my daily agenda quicker then expected and just said, "Eh what the hell, I can give them a little sympathy and check what they did."

"Now I see I got five reviews...

"ELEVEN!? REALLY!?"

"Okay I think we should do a backstep on all this, my name is Shadow the Hedgehog. You know, Ultimate Lifeform, badass to the max, babe magnet without even trying. Yeah that guy."

"When I saw I only had 'ELEVEN REVIEWS' I had to breath for a moment. I spent the first moment thinking of ways to hunt down you people who ignored, 'me of all people.'"

"After that I went to my job, yeah that's right I still work at G.U.N., but since I'm so awesome I don't need to be controlled by my job I control it, LIKE A BOSS! So yeah I'll gloat about that at later times when I'm feelin' bored."

"I looked up some of your names and where you live..."

"That's right I looked up people who had stories that not only pissed me off to no limits but who were dumb enough to leave their bio on their profile. Yeah, maybe you can think twice about revealing your name to a top agent with access to the world database."

"So yeah after hunting down and taking out a few of you, (yeah you know who you are noobs I made sure you remembered that), and kicking Sonic's ass just for the enjoyment of it.."

"Ahh, good times...good times. I then spent some time releasing all my stress and anger like all men do."

"JACKING...

...everyone up on Call of Duty, Battlefield, and Halo. Yeah I'm badass at not only real life shooting but shooting games as well, so don't even try to get me."

"Oh man, seems I got off topic there, but I mean it doesn't matter seeing as anything I say makes any girl swoon and any guy gain some shrinkage."

"So let's respond to those reviewers and give them the feedback they deserve...I'll go random since I make my own decisions. Oh yeah not gonna bother saying your words I'm just gonna respond as the rest of you can learn to read. WRITERWITHIN BRING ME THE MAILBAG!"

_**"Here you go your highness."**_

"You being smug, cause we can repeat what happened the last time you did."

_**"N-NO NO SIR BADASS SHADOW SIR! Just being a dumbass like always, heh heh."**_

"Good boy now go polish my air shoes, and this time use the waxes that make em shine hard."

_**"Yes sir...bitch."**_

"WHAT'D YOU SAY!"

_**"NOTHING SIR"**_

"See I own the writer, they don't own me kids."

_To: Nate the Werehog_

"Dude, you should be thinking less of who else rants and more about the amazing badassery in front of you... ME!"

_To: ABSOselfRBED_

"Okay first off don't even bring those two into this, I mean I was trying to keep the worst of them all out of my pairings. When you put those two it's like some fucked up Japanese Anime involving men only. Ugggh! Second, I don't call it being self-absorbed it's called being awesome something I hope everyone can benefit from."

_To: Idabadas_

"The first two words made me think, "oh yeah this guy could be pretty cool and someone to hang with." But when you compared me to Amy then you went way past my boundaries. Remember this when your not invited to my birthday party, 'gonna have to put the guest list to three again.'

_To: shadowkiller168_

"I only have two things to say to you. Number one, is that you should know that whenever I start talking in a story, it will always be a story because I have to put up with all the fucking typo errors and making plots and all that writing shit. Second and it's not really bad, I respect the fact that your one of the only people who are actually smart enough to identify good words when you see them. 'Note to self: bump guest list back up to four.' Who knows maybe one day you'll come close to my badassery."

_To: Slick the Wolf_

Yeah, I know I just leave that kind of expression on people who haven't been introduced to awesomeness. Jack Black doesn't count.

_To: Guest/Guests (random dudes/dudettes in my books)_

To the first part, yeah anime they sure do screw me over sometimes. Second, yeah aids I know too bad I don't have em though ya know badass body and all.

_To: Lightning Rose_

Thanks for the sympathy...though if you could how bout changing that name from Rose into Shadow. People actually notice things when you put SHADOW in them.

_To: Vatra_

"Oh yeah I did and those are the ones where I'm badass, but they make me so power hungry at times or let easy to beat people beat me. In all actuality I'm awesome and can't be defeated plus I don't see myself as ruling the world with an iron fist I prefer to just be better than it. Just remember my motto and you can become badass as like me...if that's even possible."

"'I Am, All of Me.' It'll get you somewhere"

_To: Kellie Fay (Saving best for last)_

"Now, when I read this I had stop and make sure what I was reading was correct. You 'Mrs./Mr. Kellie sure can raise a very amazing point. You seemed to get me right there, yes there is more to me than people actually do think that's for sure...

"THE FACT THAT I'M EVEN MORE AMAZING THEN PEOPLE THINK! Life lessons for you, you wanna make stories about me like the rest of them. Be sure to always keep the attention on me, never have me be the second hide to the layout. I should always be center-point of the stage no matter what. Also, I'm not cute but devilish will fit for that error you made."

"Ahhh, I hope you all learn something from this...let me rephrase, you had better learn something from this."

"Now next time, due to fan-service and to increase my good image I am allowing for one guest to co-host with me. Since I feel like being even more generous, I'll let you decide who comes...and it has to be someone from our Universe. Not some hippy from another fic. I bid you all ado."

"HEY BOY! You finish with my shoes yet...

_**Remember guys I stake no agreements to anything Shadow said or will say, I'm just like Kellie said...a slave to my muse. Although I have to take it literally. See you guys next time, and make sure the person you bring isn't someone who's gonna hurt me like he has.**_

"YOU HERE ME BOY!? WHERE'S MY SHOES!?"

_**Please god don't let this..whatever it is get too far out of hand. I beg of you. COMING EMPIRAL SHADOW SIR!**_


	3. Family Reunion

_**A/N: Because this is not only to clear things up but this goes out to all other people who have been thinking just like this guy. Oh yeah but good news, have hit 500 views and dedicate this chapter to you all.**_

_**To Guest (phoobies) and others like him: Hey dude thanks for the beautiful support I really appreciate it. First off, I know it's not a Story I just put that because this is my first time actually posting anything up. Second...DUUUH! Of course this isn't how Shadow acts, if you read anything I say after he's done ranting it always says either I stake no claim to what Shadow says and if I write about him of course he's not going to act like this. Finally, yeah I have read about people who post stories of Shadow and I for one do know how Shadow's real personality is but you don't see me running around on everyone who doesn't express him right complaining of how he acts. It's called Fanfiction: Unleash Your IMAGINATION for a very good reason. Like I say to all the people like you who say things to me, if you don't like the rant then just don't read it because I'm doing this for fun. XD Have a nice day friend.**_

_**And don't worry Lightning Rose all of that has been cleared up between me and Tailsdoll13. We friends now:P**_

"HEY! Did I say you could have more than five seconds of screen time?"

_**"-_-* Yes sir..how silly of me, I was being the incompetent idiot that I always am, I will never amount to anything but being good for servitude."**_

"Now doesn't it feel good to just tell the full one sided truth."

_**"Oh yes, I'm just radiating with happiness."**_

"Yeah Yeah, happiness and what not. Enough about you already, everybody came here for one person and one hunk of a hedgehog only."

_**"Silver!"**_

"Oh haha very funny. You wanna say that again after I've lodged a chaos spear down you're throat...Yeah I thought so."

"Now let's see, where are we at within this rant. I did reviews last time and I don't want to go there again so this time let's talk about something I said last rant. I asked if there was anyone you all would like to have come on the rant with me but I just couldn't decide. Now look here's what I thought when I saw who you suggested."

"Silver: Okay what I don't get is how we get a guy like him who exceeds fans faster than Sonic could blink and he barely did anything. The funny thing about it though, is the fact that he kisses up to what anyone says and he got his ass kicked by me. He should be happy, that's like getting my autograph when I do that. Another thing, do you think Sega was stoned when they created Silver. I mean look at him, he's extremely white, his hair looks like he's supporting weed, and his powers has him do what every wasted person thinks they're doing. So yeah let's leave that knock-off character as far from my amazingness as possible.

"Knuckles: Yeah, first off, last time I let Knuckles in my house he ended up getting drunk and watching me sleep thinking I was his precious emerald. Second, do you know how hard it is to tear that guy away from that Master Emerald. Last time we tried to yank him off of it, it took the emerald getting a crack just for him to let go of it. And we do NOT want to hear anymore of Knuckles stupid raps. 'Unlike Sonic I don't chuckle?' What the hell man."

"Son... HAHHAHHA! Seriously, let's not even think about this guy coming on, we've got enough men, dressed as chicks falling to my feet as it is already. Don't even need to rant on this kiss up of me. We all know Sonic was put there to be the, 'the power of friends always prevail' just for me to come in and stomp him out with my 'the power of a Shadow can never be stopped.' In the end, he may be the main character, but who has the bigger fan base. Reason he loves calling me the faker."

"Jealous bastard."

"One of the last people I heard, was the how you all call them 'Author' come on, and that made me think. Wait, why ask you guys for a special guest when I've got me personal lap dogs and people to talk trash on 24/7."

_**"You know I actually didn't approve of any of this just to let you know."**_

"Hey!? Did I give you permission to speak...? I thought so, remember what I said, speak when spoken to because nothing you say really makes sense."

_**"Oh yeah, prove it!"**_

"Alright first off, when you published MY rants, you ended up calling it your so called 'First Story.'"

"One: It's a rant not a story, you don't see me putting, 'Chapter 1,2,3' every single time these rants are published. Two: How can you possibly talk trash on me, last time I checked did your fan base exceed over a million fans? Yeah, me being arrogant just puts like five more new fans. And Three: Every time at the end of the chapters, your always saying the same thing.'I stake no claim to what Shadow says, blah blah blah..I support nothing he says..blah blah blah.'"

_**"I do not say, 'blah blah blah'**_ _**except for just now. but you know what I got a surprise for you Stripes :D"**_

_"Damn! How dare you leave such divinity standing outside, you're lucky that I let you bask within my glorious presence."_

"I know you didn't go against my words and actually bring a guest and him of all people."

_**"Oh yes I did Shadow. Let's just call this sweet sweet vengeance."**_

_"Ahhh Shadow. Still the emotionless brood I see..._

"Mephilles.? Still trying to get fangirls from my look I see."

_"Yes, because taking the idiots that praise a boy who is still in his diapers makes me so happy."_

"I see someone hasn't been taking their 'I wish I was a god' pills."

_"Seems someone hasn't been taking their 'I need a life pills.'"_

"Why the hell are you here, I mean why would I even let someone like you even look at me."

_"Please Emo-butt, you should be praising me for even being here. Whenever I step onto the floor, I radiate this amazingness that flows to everyone else around me the reason you hang around me so much."_

"REALLY!, you should watch that ego, because it's taking up half the universe as we speak."

_"Maybe you should look in a mirror because yours isn't any different."_

"Why did you come here anyway Dark?"

_"Hmph. When I got a message saying 'RIDICULE SHADOW IN FRONT OF HIS BELOVED FANS' I just couldn't pass up the chance."_

"I see your still whining about the whole losing to Sonic thing."

_"I see your still crying about the whole Maria break-up thing."_

"HEY! Who told you that, that was top secret information locked up within my most secret of hiding places."

_"You make friends, with some of the most idiotic, but cunning of people."_

"Grrr, that damn bat."

_"Oh and that's not all I know about you my dear brother."_

"What do you have on me, that I don't have on you."

_"Hmmm. Do you still remember, the Emerald incident."_

"YOU BASTARD NOONE IS SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THAT!"

_**And it will be stopped there seeing as I don't have time for these two to be throwing fist fights. But what dirty little secrets has Shadow been hiding from us..?**_

"You shut up, before you find your head up Eggman's ass."

_**Thank god this rant is so close to being over..**_


	4. The Rant Help Corner 1

_**Hey Hey Hey! Welcome to the first debut of 'spare Shadow some ideas for a change'.**_

"Sup you Hedge followers. Shadow the Hedgehog here to send you a message you had better be paying close attention to. You reading these words you better be...NOW READ MY MESSAGE!"

I

AM

A

NUB

FOR

SHADOW!

"Hah! How many of you read up to nub, you know you read it so don't even deny that fact. Heh, thanks for amusing me again like you always do nubs. Now...let's really get back down to business."

"I am running out of ideas for rants. Say what you want, but it is hard work catering for people like you. Now there will be a few rants where I will be doing my Rant of Reviews again, but I need some ideas on how to continue this or if I should."

_**"Please don't let him continue. If you do not support author abuse, don't press that follow button, whatever you do for the sake of God all mighty. DO NOT REVIEW!"**_

"SHUT UP BITCH! This is not your choice to decide, this is for all those people out there (my fans) to choose on picking to give me ideas or not (do it or I will come upon you all in the darkest hour of the night with a pointy reckoning.) So let them decide.

_**"I will give however much change is in my pocket, plus a Sonic chibi with a copy of Twilight to the person who does not continue Shadow's torture."**_

"Agree to continue and you get a free signed Shadow chibi."

_**"Cheater!"**_

_"Read and Review, as no more ideas will be accepted towards April. MEPHILLES COMMANDS YOU."_

"OOH YEAH! Just wait until April, I am the master of pranks!"

**_"Quick! Mephilles tie his ass down!"_**

"What the HELL!?"

_"I got him he's down tie him to the chair."_

"WHAT'S GOING ON!"


	5. Fucking With Shadow 1

_**A/N:**__** First off thanks for the ideas they will come in handy plus I do have a lot of ideas I just like to let the reviewers get some pointers in the story. So without further ado...Back again for more brutality, but this time I'm in a better mood. If you wish to know why well then allow me to introduce another new segment to, 'Shadow's Rant' called...**_

_**"FUCKING WITH SHADOW!" **__"FUCKING WITH SHADOW!"_

_"Sup guys! It's your number one, evil black hedgehog, Mephilles the Dark aka Dark."_

_**"In this segment we get to have sweet, sweet revenge on that black prick who tries to take over the sonic universe."**_

_"So without further ado, please welcome our number one guest..._

_**"You know him, I hate him, girls wanna have him in their bed, guys wanna chill with him for a day, I wanna break his legs...**_

_**"SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!" **__"SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!"_

"I swear to Mobius, once I get out of this chair you will wish that hell had found you instead of what I'll do to you and to you Kellie! I swear my vengeance upon thy shall have no bounds, you will wish you never faced the undying wrath of SHADOW THE...

_"Down boy! You're to sit, watch, and possibly lose some of your cool creds, not rant."_

_**"Yeah! Just because it's called 'Shadow's Rant' doesn't mean a thing."**_

"Oh shut the hell up! You think just because I'm in this chair you're balls are growing back? Well sorry they're still locked up in my box and if you want them then you'll have to fight me fair and square. But you're to much of a puss for even that...

_**"WHY YOU LITTLE...**_

_"Whoa! Double W. Don't let him get into your head like that, he's trying to use his mind trick on you like he does everyone else."_

_**"You're right, sorry. I was weak it shall never happen again."**_

"Never again?! You'd better start telling some truths Pinocchio."

_**"OH THAT"S IT! LET ME JUST STRANGLE HIM!"**_

"COME ON! GET ME OUT OF THESE ROPES AND WE CAN GO MAN!"

_"Cease your mindless ramblings boy! This is 'Us fucking with Shadow' not the other way around!_

_**"I-I'm sorry just...let me step out and get some air."**_

"Yeah, because my air is way to much for you."

_**"AHHHHHH!"**_

_"Now the fun begins!"_

"Ah holy hell of all the sons of bit...

_"Hey Shadow. I was busy roaming your house and found a lovely stash of swiss rolls."_

"No."

_"They where perfectly well reserved, hell I didn't even know you went as far as to keep a chamber just for your snacks."_

"Of course, every man knows to keep things they love well preserved. That's right I'm talking to you porn lovers out there..

_"Well I found these swiss rolls and couldn't help thinking to myself. 'Now why would such perfect pieces of specimens be locked away from public eye.' So I did what any good hearted and kind spirited man like me would do.._

"You bastard."

_"I burned them..._

_EVERY_

_SINGLE_

_LAST _

_ROLL!"_

"You monster! You did the most lowest of all things. You can attack my pride (which I can see no point in doing), beat me senseless (which is quite impossible), hell you can even talk about my fan-sites (still growing to the end of time.)"

"But when you attack the swiss rolls, oooohhh then you've crossed the line. You just wait until I get out of these damn well crafted and marvelously tied ropes. I will make sure you regret meeting me, you'll wish that you had never existed with Iblis, you'll wish you'd rather live the life of eggman. Hell shall hath no fury compared to what a Shadow can do to thine very soul!"

_"Whoa, Emo-butt! We don't need you trying to kill yourself right before I tell the best story everyone has ever heard."_

"Damn you Mephilles! Damn you to heck!"

_"Ignoring him, let's begin the Emerald Incident..._

"NOOOOOO!"

_**"Get the popcorn!"**_

_1 Month in a half ago..._

_ Shadow was riding his G.U.N motorcycle, Dark Rider, down the serene streets of Westopolis. He rarely had time to just kick back and have time to himself, seeing as all his dumbass friends knew where he was every moment he was to have a moment of relaxation._

_But today was a good day, Sonic was in hiding due to Amy, Silver was on a date with Blaze, Tails was at a picnic with Cream, and Rouge was pestering Knuckles as usual. Yes, noone to bother him and a full day to refuel his boss tank._

_As he was in deep thought he did not notice the dark figure watching him from atop the roofs._

_'Let's see how much you cherish this day dear brother.' _

_Shadow continued on until he arrived to his favorite spot, the tree that sat a good distance from the city and gave him a nice view. His self proclaimed, tree of memories. Yep, a lot of good shit went down at this tree as he looked at his carved initials on the tree. This tree held a lot for him, was his first home, first place he met Doom, heck this was even where he had his first time..._

_Eating a swiss roll. (pervs)_

_As he parked his bike he went into one of the side bags on it and pulled out his shining, green pearl of an emerald. It was announced after the whole Silver arrival that each Hedgehog carried an emerald on them in case of an emergency._

_He calmly leaned against the tree and began tossing it in the air up and down as he cleared his mind unaware of someone watching him._

_'Now to carry out my wondrous plan..._

_**2 Hours Later**_

_"Huh..what?"_

_Shadow looked around, only finding everything the same as it should be. Serenic peace, no annoying hedgehogs, bats, or echidna's, dark rider looking beautiful, and no green emerald. Everything was how it should..._

_"WAIT?!"_

_Shadow looked around frantically searching the whole area of his spot but found no sign of his emerald. He slowly stood back at his spot and began walking in a circle before stopping with a firm growl on his muzzle._

_"WHO DARE STEAL, THE EMERALD OF THE GREAT SHADOW!"_

_'Now the fun begins.'_

_**1 Hour Later**_

_The peaceful and tranquil streets of Westoplis..._

_Where in flames as citizens of all ages and sizes ran for their lives from the greatest of all evil. Noone was expecting for a tragic terror like this to surprise them out of the blue but it still shocked them to no bounds._

_"WHERE IS IT!"_

_A lone man was running for his life, ragged breaths, sweating face, and tripping over his feet let you know this man was scared shitless. He fell right in front of a rising flame and as his eyes looked up he went from shitless to actually shiting himself._

_"YOU! YOU KNOW WHO TOOK IT DIDN'T YOU?! WHERE IS IT!"_

"_I'M SO SORRY OH GREAT KING SHADOW! I DID NOT FORSEE THIS TRAGIC EVENT COMING, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I HAVE A WIFE AND TWO KIDS, I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, DO YOU HAVE SPARE PANTS AND MAYBE SOME UNDERWEEEEAR! The man cried as he groveled to Shadow's penetrating glare. Shadow merely growled and walked past the man continuing his reckoning as he threw anything worth throwing into an object._

_"GAAAAAH! WHO TOOK IT!"_

_All where praying for a warrior to come and stop this terrible occurrence that had befallen them. But soon their prayers where answered as a blue streak whizzed by putting out all the flames. Sonic stopped a few feet in front of Shadow with a strong will weighing on his shoulders._

_"Shadow what the hell man, stop this nonsense."_

_"No! Not until I get my emerald back!"_

_"Dude first off, it's just an emerald and second can't you like sense those things or whatever!?"_

_"First off it wasn't just any old emerald that one was special, it was named Maria for a reason, second can't really sense with all this rage pumping me on, and third getting tired of your ramblings so will take you out now!"_

_"Shadow you don't want to do this, your walking the path of evil and you know evil never wins."_

_"Oh but see, I'm the bad guy that knows the hero's greatest weakness."_

_"What are you..._

_"Chaooos..._

_"What the hell Shadow!"_

_"SUMMMON!"_

_"The fuck where the hell did you come up with that move and why is their a portal opening under you."_

_A small yellow portal opened up as something began rising out of the portal and into Shadow's hand making Sonic's pupils increase in size._

_"Shadow? No come on man anything but that please! This is crazy that's more evil than anything Eggman has done why do you always pull that move on me man I thought we were friends or frienemies.?"_

_Shadow soon stalked up on Sonic who began stepping back only to fall after tripping on an unsuspecting rock put in the middle of the street. He soon began backing up shaking his head in terror as Shadow drew ever closer._

_"Shadow please I'll even give you my emerald it has a name too. Yeah I call mine Chili-chan Dog."_

_Shadow did not listen as he soon came upon a frightful Sonic who's ears where so far down you would think they where sinking to the ground. _

_"No anything but that Shadow, not..._

_Everyone who was in hiding looked in confusion at the great hero and where scratching there heads in thought. Was there her really quivering because of some..._

_"GLASS OF WATER! AHHHHH!"_

_Sonic let out a piercing girlish scream as he fainted on the street in a very girlish looking position. Shadow set the water on him and continued his rampage while Mephilles stood in an alleyway cracking up._

_"Oh man this is to good! I wonder what he does to the other heroes of this place, better get my video camera and the emerald just in case."_

"I told you! I wasn't in a good mindset that day."

_"Yeah because strip searching Sonic and his friends was you not in your mindset. You're lucky I stopped your insane massacre, before things went from Rated T, to M._

"..."

_"So what, no more strong quips? No valiant words to protect that amazing pride of yours?"_

"..."

_"No one cares about you not talking, hell we don't need you Shadow. I am the new franchise that's out right now. Who needs a Shadow when you can have a Mephilles, one of the greatest character's in everyone's miserable life."_

"..."

_"WHY THE HELL WON"T YOU RESPOND! ANSWER ME DAMMIT, I'M TRYING TO RUIN YOU RIGHT NOW! LET ME MAKE YOU LOOK STUPID!"_

"If you had any cell within that so called brain, you would have known that I had escaped from the ropes during your little flashback."

_"Oh..._

"Yeah...

_"I should run now right!?..._

"In a time like this...that seems like the wise thing to be done."

_"Ten second headstart.?"_

"Ten."

_"DAAAAAMMMMMMIIIITTTT!"_

"GET BACK HERE YOU WHELP!"

_**He's back and I already know I'm gonna have to go back to my duty. But maybe if he doesn't find me I won't have to submit his stupid rants anymore. Yeah I'll run to a new town, get a new face, start a new life, make a new account.**_

"SLAVE! Get in here...IIII can sense youuuuuu"

_**God? Why do you hate me so? Is it because I stole the cookies out of the cookie jar that night. I was hungry.**_

"I SAID NOW! MY FEET DON'T RUB THEMSELVES YOU KNOW!"

_**Dammit!**_


	6. The Rant of Reviews 2

_**Welcome to Shadow's Rant as we begin a part 2 to one of Shadow's many favorite segments...**_

* * *

"The Rant Of Reviews! Sup my fellow douchebags."

"This is your number 1, smexy, renegade...

"Ahem!"

_**"I don't wanna say it!"**_

"You will or you'll end up just like Mephilles; NOW DO IT!"

_**"You cold-hearted bastard. Ughhh...**_

_**"Hunk of a man, beastin without even trying, noob pwner...**_

_**"The Ultimate Asshole, Shadow The Douchehog!"**_

"Just for that I'm extending my period of this rant to two more weeks."

_**"But you said you'd finish on April!?"**_

"Your fault for being such a prick, now get the mailbag so we can get this rant over with. I still need you to resupply my swiz roll count back to 20 a box after you and Mephilles's fiasco."

_**"You just wait, when I get the keyboard back I will fuck your life over so badly."**_

"Ah Ah Ah! Who's the one holding the deadly keyboard of control? That's right now just for talking...

WWU ballerina dances getting the mailbag while singing about how much he loves Justin Bieber. OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

"HAHAHAHA!"

_**"PLEASE STOP, I PROMISE TO BE OBEDIENT JUST STOP! JB IS SO AWESOME, I WISH I WAS GIRL SO I CAN...WAAAAAAA!"**_

"Alright I've had enough for right now, but next time you get out of line I'll have you watch the whole Twilight series and pick which team you wanna be on."

_**"GETTING THE MAILBAG! GETTING THE MAILBAG!"**_

"Now then, let us begin...SLAVE!"

_**"THE RANT OF REVIEWS 2!"**_

"Like I said, I will be doing this by random, and will not be doing repeated posts but may combine them just for the hell of it."

_To: Psycho Chick_

"You dare laugh at me being tortured!?"

_**"Well it was pretty funny...**_

"Well my fingers are pretty close to spelling you and 'Twilight in the same sentence."

_**"So sorry please continue Master!"**_

"Now, before I was rudely interrupted...what you saw, was nothing but idiots trying to exploit my weaknesses. BUTTTTT, if those idiots had paid attention to who they where trying to embarrass, then maybe they wouldn't have been very fucked up during the process!"

_**"I tried to run 'Psycho Chick', but those damn air shoes fucked me over."**_

"Like I said, speed caught you; Not the hover shoes."

_To: Gamyie_

"Even though you did not have any ideas (which were bound to be pointless) you can have one of my non-as good as the originals, Chibi dolls for only ten extra dollars. Better yet, for a discount...I'll raise it to fifty."

_To: Nate The Werehog_

"Crazy CRAZY! You go and watch some more Harlem Shake videos, and tell me that I'm crazy because I think I haven't went that far yet. But just for calling me crazy, why don't you take a second to make sure there isn't a deadly yellow glow coming behind you...yeah, watch that mouth."

_To: Vatra_

"Oh yeah we won't be hearing from that imbecile Mephilles until they finally bury me in a casket (which is bound to never happen), and if you ask me, the poor author is still whining because a chaos spear randomly flew into his foot."

_**"Fucking hurt that's what it did."**_

"Tch. Baby."

_To: Lightning Rose_

"HAHAHAHAHA! Sorry I laughed when I read, 'I want to torture Shadow.' Not being mean but I mean really, it took nearly two people to take me down, but that was only because they got me off guard and when I wasn't in my prime. You wanna torture me, you'd have to do some thing stupid like write a fic about torturing me in different ways, but I mean come on..who would be dumb enough to do that."

_***scribble scribble*"What's a good title for 'Torturing Shadow The Hedghehog'"**_

"Idiot."

_To: Duskzilla_

"Now listen here 'Nazo' and 'Duskzilla', like I said before I wasn't in my prime. I mean seriously, did you see what kind of gun those idiots made me put up to your head. It was so simplistic. Another thing is, that was the writer or whatever that person was, making fun of my spectacular name. I freaking took out an immortal god and his universe conquering army by barely lifting a finger so that was just pure nonsense."

_To: Suicuneluvr_

"What you saw was something that must be deleted from your memory banks from here to then on. None of that was real, all was a lie, everything that you are reading is just one of your cooked up, mindless dreams."

_To: Kellie Fay (my most favorite reviewer)_

"Well now Kellie you seem to have really become one of those bugs, I just can't seem to get rid of. Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn you seem to be out there trying to exploit my pure amazing fan-service, that I'm trying to offer to these desperate women and men. I mean you send little Chao to scar me for life, criticize my badassery, hell you even go as far as to put me in a tutu. What makes you able to do all this you may wonder though? It's me letting you have your fun with the keyboard. Yes, so do and say what you will upon me for remember that it is me granting you the privilege of even looking at my very presence. I bid thine ado and remember, no one is ever able to get revenge on me. Especially, an incompetent idiot like that blue needlemouse...

_To: Slick The Wolf_

"My dear 'Slick' when has there ever been a time, that I haven't just done something out of the goodness of my heart. What I did to Sonic was actually a blessing, I was just giving him some water so as to rest his nerves. Sure I would have splashed t on him if he hadn't fainted, but wouldn't any kind hearted person do the same to their rival."

"As for the rest of those reviews actually left for the author, I didn't mean to actually tell you this but I AM THE WRITER AND THE AUTHOR! The dude who does all this is actually just my slave. He has no right to even call himself a writer."

_**"You know, maybe if you where a bit nicer you could actually have some friends."**_

"DUH, GEEE! Maybe if you weren't such a whiny bitch, then I'd actually let you write a rant on here."

_**"This is why I can not wait till this dumb rant is over."**_

"...Dumb?"

_**"Shit! See you all next time on, 'SHADOW'S RANT' because it seems due to the maturity level of this fic you all are not allowed to see Shadow actually abuse a person."**_

"Parents. Tell your kids to turn away and I'd suggest you all stop reading from this point on..

_**"Shadow come on man! I was good to you, I waxed your shoes, your ride, hell I even waxed your inhibitor rings while you slept which sounds kinda creepy and I probably should have planted a bomb in you when I had the chance."**_

"Oh I understand, plus I remember that quote from earlier too."

_**"Taking your glove off to make me feel the full force of the hit?"**_

"Yep."

_**"If I run it'll turn into a fist huh?"**_

"Pretty much."

_**"I'm not being smart quoting Mephilles's tone last chapter as well?"**_

"What isn't smart, is talking when I'm about to hit you."

_**"Be gentle, I still want a wife."**_

-SMACK-

...


	7. The Final Rant

_**An Important and Final Message from Shadow's Rant(chances of being discontinued or moved):**_

_**Hello my dear Shadow's Rant readers and other readers/writer's anonymous.**_

_** I have recently received a message on one of my rants, asking of me to delete my rant and post it elsewhere other than fanfiction I believe. Am I angry? Not in the least. However, I really am sad that I must delete something that I not only got so many reviews for, but that I was really enjoying where this was going. I'm not mad at 'Eliminators', but if any of you ever do this just try not to as there is a big chance Fanfiction will come after you seeing as in the rules...  
**_

_**Rants, or non-story related fics are not accepted.**_

_**But...**_

_**Instead of discontinuing or arguing with these people just do the most logical thing that should have been done in the first place.**_

_**Put it as a forum or just go to FictionPress.**_

_** Forums are the only place where what we call 'fics' like these should be published. As well FictionPress clearly states that it is a place for non-fanfiction literary works only reason I am agreeing with the terms of the 'Eliminators', is because these are the people who have actually looked long and hard at Fanfiction's Rules and Guidelines. I discovered that the archive of Fanfiction should be for only actual Stories, not other unrelated pieces of writing.**_

_**As I say in all my previous rants, I do not approve of anything the 'Eliminators', do or say, but I have actually read Fanfiction's rules and I am one to always oblige by rules. Please, just follow my advice and I promise we could all stop with this anger and feud.**_

_**As for this Rant, I am not really sure what my next course of actions will be. Even though I have just offered some plain and obvious advice, I still am at a standstill with my course of actions. I am currently working on an actual story, which will be up soon but at the same time I really don't wish to delete my rant. All of you have inspired me to actually look into characters and the genre of where they come from...**_

"Hard to make a decision huh?"

_**Hmph. You know me to well Shadow, I guess I'll have no other choice but to start a Forum or delete you. **_

"Dammit! Do you know I was going to rant about how Sega has been making their games so obvious and recurring due to their love for 'Time Travel' and 'Mythological' books. Totally sucks seeing as I'm not the main character in them."

_**No worries Shad, maybe when I bring up your rant, where it won't be criticized, then I'll probably let you rant what you really wanted to maybe even about how Amy is always pulling that hammer out of nowhere.**_

"Funny. It took a review like this for you to finally take away my control over your profile and stories."

_**Hey now, you may not want to bring that up when I'm holding pure control in my hands at the moment.**_

"Whatever. See you later when you bring back the rants."

_**Sure Shadow, and to my fellow followers of Shadow's Rant, I bid you ado to one of my biggest success's and finest pieces of work. I apologize if I actually hurt any of you but I hope that you come to forgive anything I have said to you all that has brought you pain throughout my rant.**_

_~currently discontinued and on verge of being deleted~_


End file.
